By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
★★★★☆
We live in an overwhelming world. For those who are highly sensitive to their surroundings, this constant deluge of stimuli can quickly cause mental overload.
Elaine Aron is a leading expert on highly sensitive persons (HSPs) and her book is an excellent resource for understanding more about sensitivity, a trait that’s often misunderstood, and for providing strategies on how HSPs can use their sensitive natures to thrive.
Aron defines what it means to be highly sensitive and explains the differences between highly sensitive, introverted, and shy. In addition to providing facts about being highly sensitive, she dedicates chapters to thriving in social relationships, work, and close relationships.
I appreciated her view that being highly sensitive is a strength. Aron successfully argues all HSPs are gifted by virtue of possessing the characteristics that make them an HSP. One of my favorite lines in the book comes when Aron is reassuring HSPs that they are special. “You’ll be surprised by how many people will love you deeply because of your sensitivity,” she writes.
Gender is a major theme in the book, with a number of pages dedicated to outlining how being highly sensitive affects boys and girls differently in childhood and later in life as they become adults. She notes that highly sensitive boys have to develop a special armor that girls do not. For women sensitivity is expected, which often propels them to settle down early, while sensitive men “must fall out of step with other men in the timing and the nature of their lives.”
“No matter how introverted, you are a social being. You can not escape your need and spontaneous desire to connect with others even if your conflicting urge to protect yourself is very strong.”
While the book is written specifically for an HSP, I think the book is just as helpful to those who care about a highly sensitive individual. It gives insight into the rich inner worlds that HSPs have – and offers tips for how HSPs can both protect themselves when needed while also opening themselves up to the human connection we all need to survive.
Understanding this tension exists and the steps that need to be taken to achieve this balance is important to HSPs and non-HSPs. Aron’s advice to appreciate ourselves “for being, not doing” is also relevant to all.
Ultimately, I found this to be a useful resource – I took lots of notes and could see myself referring back to it in the future.